


HOPES + DREAMS

by lingeringflowers



Series: MENDING + BREAKING [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Awesamdude - Freeform, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logstedshire, PTSD, Protective Sam | Awesamdude, Sam Nook - Freeform, Snowchester, TommyInnit - Freeform, Tubbo - Freeform, awesamdad, tommyinnit has trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29576007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lingeringflowers/pseuds/lingeringflowers
Summary: Dream was the reason.Tommy was thrown back into his exile days, his mind dragging him into a flashback.In which Sam Nook gives Tommy new tasks that take him to a terribly familiar place...(more awesamdad content, continuation to GROWING UP)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Tommyinnit & Tubbo
Series: MENDING + BREAKING [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189934
Comments: 7
Kudos: 247





	HOPES + DREAMS

Awesamdude considered himself to be one of the normal ones on the server. He did his best to mediate peace between factions while simultaneously creating capitalism and running a prison. He lived up to his name, taking Tommy under his wing upon finding out what Dream had done to him in those days of exile. Sam had created a pseudonym and character to help Tommy find his way and grow up in a world that no longer wanted to kill him at every step. And thus, Sam Nook created this bubble for Tommyinnit to experience what had been taken from him countless times over.

He made his way over to the hotel, preparing to make the switch from Awesamdude to Sam Nook. Sam tridented into the sky, taking in the sights of the server. It was surprisingly nasty after Dream’s downfall. The bloodlines, originating at the Egg’s core, had carved a path of destruction. Sam had hoped for peace after the war concluded, but it seemed they weren’t safe yet. He arrived at the hotel, breathless from the journey. He flipped an unnoticeable switch near the base of the hotel, and found himself in a little ready-room. It felt rather like a movie, where he was a hero with a secret identity. But Sam didn’t hold himself up to that pedestal, he was merely a guy trying to save his friend, a little bit at a time. 

Sam unlatched the chests in the corner, digging out a bright pink set of construction wear. He shook his head, smiling. Why it was bright pink, he couldn’t say. The creation of Sam Nook was incredibly rushed, but it seemed to do the trick. Sam was beginning to believe Tommy preferred his chittering counterpart. In order to pull off the switch, he needed his scratchy tape recorder. It was made with an old broken disc and some wild animal sounds, giving birth to the wildly high-pitched garble of the man. Sam was unsure if Tommy knew the language was faked, but he didn’t think it mattered. Sam Nook was Awesamdude’s brainchild, a gift to the children of the server who had suffered for far too long. They deserved happiness, peace.

Fully dressed up, the now Sam Nook left his secret room and walked the path up to the hotel. He had made some progress over the past few days while Tommy had been away doing god knows what. Sam hoped Tommy liked how it was coming along. He held up a pretense that he was doing this all for the money, but it was a clear lie. Helping people was Sam’s weakness, and Tommy needed him.

He wasn’t sure the extent of Tommy’s depleted mental state, but it didn’t take a genius to know that he wasn’t okay. Tommy had gone through hell and back, quite literally, with his near-death experiences in the Nether. When Sam had first visited Tommy in his “summer home”, he encountered the brash boy he had always known, angry at the world for what it did to him. But what he didn’t expect was for Tommy to return quiet, tip-toeing over everyone else, afraid of the slightest angry tone. Sam was worried, to say the least. He knew Tommy was exhilarated to have won the war with both his discs intact and his Tubbo alive, but he knew that Tommy hadn’t really won. Tommy hadn’t escaped the mental torture Dream held him under for months. The strings tying him up still left marks on his wrists. Sam shuddered, remembering the look of pure terror on Tommy’s face the other day, when he thought Sam was Dream just from  _ the color green. _

That was all it took to trigger Tommy. 

Sam shook the negative thoughts from his head, focusing on the day ahead. He was putting the finishing touches on the build, but he- or Sam Nook- needed Tommy to gather just a few more materials. Of course, Sam could do just fine finding oak logs and red concrete himself, but he knew Tommy would benefit from having small daily tasks to keep him busy. It was a methodical approach at teaching the kid how to be okay again, but it just might work.

He was expecting the blonde boy to come running down the prime path, shouting some new sling of curse words, and that’s exactly what happened.

“HEYYYYYY SAM!” Tommy’s eyes were bright, reflecting the blue sky above. He looked genuinely happy today. He  _ felt _ happy today. It was refreshing to the both of them. They still hadn’t discussed the  _ incident _ from the other day, for Sam knew not to overstep Tommy’s boundaries and Tommy was a locked cage. 

Tommy bounded up the wooden path, opening the gates to the construction site. His monstrous pink getup was hastily put on and he was out of breath. He had really wanted to be on time today for Sam Nook, and wanted to impress him. 

“HELLO AGAIN TOMMYINNIT…”

Tommy bounced on his heels, awaiting the instructions for the day.”

“PROGRESS ON THE HOTEL HAS BEEN COMING ALONG GREAT… THE CONSTRUCTION CREW ESTIMATES IT WILL BE DONE IN A DAY OR TWO…” Sam Nook stared passively.

“Looks great Sam Nook!” It really did. Tommy gazed upwards at the hotel soaring into the sky. The red concrete complimented the bright oak walls beautifully. Tommy couldn’t wait to show all of his friends. 

“HOWEVER, BEFORE WE CAN CONTINUE, THERE ARE A FEW MORE SUPPLIES NEEDED.”

Tommy didn’t groan or complain this time. This time he was ready. “No problem, big man.”

Sam Nook rattled off a list of various items, some of which he had gotten before. Oak logs, red poppies, and sand were among the many items he needed to get. Tommy racked his brain, trying to mentally map out the nearest location that had all of these things. Techno was the real Human GPS though, so Tommy gave up, choosing to traverse the nether until he found a portal to go through. It would be a fun adventure, he thought.

“Bye Sam Nook!”

“GOODBYE TOMMYINNIT… BE SAFE.”

Tommy didn’t look back as he walked the long path to the main nether portal.

Pushing through the purple sludge was always unpleasant, but nothing was worse than the nether itself. Billowing clouds of sulfur and smoke made it damn near impossible to see more than ten feet in front of him. The faraway shriek of a ghast made the hair on his neck raise. The thin cobblestone bridge did nothing to ease his fear of the bubbling lava below him. He shivered, despite the heat. Tommy fucking hated this place.

But he had to be strong. He could be strong. Fuck, he was strong. He was Big Man Tommyinnit.  _ Just find a portal and get out. Just walk the cobblestone path- you love cobblestone- and get out. _

Tommy started walking. He wished there were railings on this bridge, and briefly remembered Techno mocking Wilbur for falling one too many times in Pogtopia. Tommy didn’t want to remember Pogtopia. 

The nether stretched out, expansive and threatening before him. He breathed in the fumes, coughing. Fuck, where was a fucking portal? 

His shoes dragged along the cobblestone bridge. He was getting tired. Tommy didn’t know why the nether affected him so much, but he hated it. Glancing down, his eyes met the scorching sea of lava. It was terrifying, but beautiful. Almost inviting…

No.

Tommy scrambled back from the ledge. What the fuck was he doing? Fuck, if Sam Nook found him like this he would be  _ pissed. _ Tommy imagined the older man getting angry at Tommy for slowing the progress of the hotel, saying  _ Tommy _ , you are a failure,  _ Tommy _ , you had one job,  _ Tommy, put your stuff in the pit- _

Wait.

Tommy felt tears slipping down his cheeks as he realized he was starting to mistake the kind soul of Sam Nook for the manipulating tyrant that was Dream. He couldn’t do that to Sam.

_ Pull yourself together. _

He pulled himself up, dusting off his pants from the dirt of the nether. Straightening his back, he turned to face the path again, catching sight of a shimmering purple glow in the distance.

_ Fucking finally. _ Tommy hated being weak. He was never one to cry, never one to break down openly in front of people, not even Tubbo. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust people… well he didn’t really, not after Dream… it was just that Tommy wasn’t that type of guy. He was stronger than that, he was like Wilbur.

Tommy staggered towards the portal, failing to notice the crumbling path leading to it and wooden signs created from his own hands not too long ago. 

He just wanted to get the  _ fuck _ out of this nether. 

Emerging from the purple sludge a second time, Tommy was greeted by a harsh sun glaring at the open fields. In front of him, yellow and red flowers sprinkled the grass. He could see a line of trees dotting the horizon.  _ Oak _ . He squared his shoulders, breathing a sigh of relief. He was going to finish his tasks today. He was going to make Sam Nook proud.

Tommy started walking, picking the occasional red poppy on his path. He had always liked flowers. He used to pick them for Tubbo’s bee house. Tubbo and his fucking bees. He smiled to himself, remembering times when the bees stung him and Tubbo teased him for it. He missed Tubbo. He was only a bridge away, in his little commune. Snowchester was beautiful, hand-crafted from a boy’s hands who seeked solitude from the pain that came with the rest of the server. Tommy admired Tubbo for having the courage to escape the memories. He wasn’t ready to leave the path, his house, the crater, any of it. Everything was tied together, webs of emotions and lies, tied a knot by Dream. Tommy seeked closure, just as Tubbo sought solitude. Tommy should visit Tubbo, when he got the chance-

Not paying attention to his surroundings, he slammed into the ground. _Fuck_ that hurt. Tommy pushed himself onto his knees, seeing his hands were bleeding. He had tripped into a hole. _Fucking_ _creepers_. 

Upon further examination, he realized the hole wasn’t made by a creeper. It had distinct remnants of redstone dust and smelled of gunpowder. Tommy felt his heart beat faster. He whipped his head around, finding more holes scattering the plains. They all looked the same. They all bore the mark of pain and loneliness. He began to panic. He  _ knew _ this place. This place… was one he vowed never to return to. And now he had stumbled upon it by accident. 

Tommy screwed his eyes shut, trying to regulate his breathing. He was  _ fine _ , this was  _ fine- _ Tommy opened his eyes and locked on the first thing he noticed.  _ Logstedshire _ . Or what was left of it anyways. Wilbur’s beloved build, gone up in smoke. Tommy would’ve laughed at the irony, if it wasn’t for his pure panic. His eyes tracked the crater left there; barely any logs left for evidence. He gazed listless, mouth open in shock. Up the side of the hill was his tower. Tommy sat on his knees, covering his mouth with his hands.  _ He had built that _ . It was not a friendly cobblestone tower like back home. One block all the way up. Almost to where he could’ve touched the sky. His breath rattled in his lungs.  _ Dream _ made him do that. Dream made him do everything.  _ Dream was the reason. _

__ Tommy was thrown back into his exile days, his mind dragging him into a flashback.

His body was weighed down with the stacks of iron fresh from the mine. He made his way to his chest room, intending to hide it from Dream. He couldn’t afford to lose any more items after yesterday’s explosion. His ears were starting to become overrun with ringing and his head hurt worse every day. He wasn’t sure if it was from his plaguing thoughts or daily visits from Dream. They weren’t so daily anymore though, and Tommy was losing hope anyone was going to visit him. His friends, his _ best friend _ , abandoned him. He was so fucking  _ alone. _

Tommy suddenly heard a sharp pop and noticed a familiar green man in armour emerge from his nether portal. He scrambled out of his hole, making sure to close the hatch. If Dream found out about his secret stash… Tommy didn’t even want to think about it. 

“Hello.” Dream’s voice cut like ice. He didn’t sound friendly today… were they friends? Tommy could never sort out the thoughts in his head. 

“Hey, Dream,” He sounded defeated. Today had been a particularly bad day. It didn’t help that he had woken up close to death in water again.

“Tommy.”

Tommy looked up. He couldn’t see the man’s face, but his tone sliced through the air. 

Dream wordlessly turned around and started to dig a hole just outside the cabin that guarded Tommy’s secret. Tommy watched helpless. He silently cursed himself for not stashing the armour and tools he had on him away too.

Tommy turned his face to the sky, not wanting to watch what was to come. He began to unstrap his chestplate before Dream had even ordered him to.

“Tommy, what the  _ fuck _ is this.”

Tommy felt his world unravel. Dream was standing at the entrance to his secret room, the place where he felt safest.

“Dream, it’s not what it looks like.”

“Then what DOES it look like, Tommy? I’ll tell you,” Dream advanced towards him. “It looks like me becoming your friend. Me treating you kindly. Sure I blew up your armour, but not all the time! I even gave it to you some days! I TRUSTED YOU TOMMY! And then you go and do this?” Tommy felt like he wanted to cry. He hadn’t meant to hurt Dream, right? He just wanted- he just wanted his things back. 

“Dream,  _ please- _ ” he started, his voice wavering.

“No. This is why I exiled you, Tommy. This is why Tubbo  _ hates _ you!  _ You never listen!” _

Tommy stumbled backwards. Every word was like a punch to the gut, and his own were lodged in his mouth.

“I’ll tell you one last thing, Tommy. You deserve this. You deserve _ all of this _ .”

Dream towered over Tommy. When had he fallen? Tommy saw a slight smile peek out from underneath Dream’s mask, and he knew he was fucked. 

“Say goodbye Tommy,” Dream laughed, and with one click of a button, everything was blown sky high.

_ Tommy was dead. He was dead, he was dead, everything was so loud, there was so much smoke, and was he dying? He couldn’t breathe, everything hurt, where was Dream? He was not okay, he couldn’t feel the ground beneath him. He couldn’t hear or see anything, but he was crying, he was shaking, why couldn’t he stop crying? He was shaking but he wasn’t cold, and everything hurt so fucking bad- _

-Tommy blacked out.

Sam treaded softly over the leaves on the soft forest floor, humming to himself. He wasn’t sure where the blonde boy had gone off too, but it had been a couple hours since they had last spoken and Sam was worried. He knew he shouldn’t be, Tommy could handle himself. But his paternal instinct drove him forwards. He reached the edge of the oak forest, expecting to find cut down trees to show him where Tommy might be, but all he saw was a large field and a beach. Sam looked closer and saw that the grass was riddled with creeper holes. What was this place? Sam kept walking, careful where he stepped. This place made him nervous. He walked down to the beach and stood at the edge of the water, watching the sunset on the horizon. Wait. Sam knew this place. He had been here not too long ago, to visit a boy exiled by his best friend. Sam begin to panic, if Tommy was here-

He turned around, spotting a tower disappearing into the clouds and a crater with a small boy curled up in the center. 

Sam ran. He sprinted over to Tommy, thoughts racing. What the fuck happened here?

He found Tommy violently shaking, holding his pickaxe close to his body. His eyes were shut but he seemed to be conscious. 

“Tommy?” Sam was careful when touching the boy, “Tommy I’m here. It’s me, Sam.” He pulled Tommy closer to him, protecting his body with his own. 

Tommy began to stir. “Sam Nook?” His voice was hoarse and he hadn’t stopped shaking. 

Sam shook his head, “Awesamdude.”

Tommy half-nodded, struggling to connect with the world around him. 

“I’m so sorry Sam.”

Sam felt his heart break into pieces. How broken was this boy? By the looks of it, Tommy had had another panic attack upon finding his old exile home. But Sam didn’t understand half of what he saw- the tower, the twenty craters, any of it. He could barely wrap his head around the cowering boy in his arms. Tommyinnit, once brash and strong, reduced to tears amongst the rubble.

He looked down and found the boy was sleeping. Good, he needed it. Sam carefully stood, his arms still locked around Tommy’s frame. He carried the resting boy out of his exile, cleansing Tommy of his trauma.

They arrived at Snowchester, Sam tired to the bone, but determined to sit Tommy down with a cup of tea and talk this out. He hoped to find Tubbo too, thinking that would calm Tommy down.

He dusted off his boots on Tubbo’s welcome mat, and hoisted Tommy higher on his shoulder before knocking. 

Tubbo opened quickly, looking sleepy, but panicking upon seeing Tommy.

“Sam! Wha-”

“He’s okay.” With those words, Tubbo deflated, looking relieved. 

“Come in, please, god it’s so late...” He was right, the trip had taken longer with Tommy on his back. Sam set him down on the couch in Tubbo’s cramped living room, the boy slightly stirring.

Tubbo ran to get tea and water and cups, and Sam knelt next to Tommy.

“Tommy? Are you awake?” He gently shook his shoulder. Tommy cracked one eye open and surveyed the room. There was a slight panic in his eye; he didn’t recognize where he was just yet. Tommy spotted a familiar form in the corner.

“Tubbo,” He closed his eyes again, relaxing. 

“Hey, Tommy,” Tubbo said, but he wasn’t looking at him. Tubbo faced Sam, a clear question written on his face.  _ What happened? _ Sam shook his head.  _ I don’t know. _

After a few minutes, Tommy was awake and sitting up, hugging his cup of tea and not taking his eyes off the floor. Tommy didn’t know how he was gonna get out of this situation. His best friend and… father figure? Cornering him to talk  _ feelings. _ Tommy sighed inwardly, knowing it was going to happen whether he liked it or not. 

“Hey Sam-” Tommy started hesitantly.

“Tommy. We aren’t going to force you to talk about it unless you want to.”

Tommy’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected  _ that. _ Wilbur had always wanted to have fucking therapy sessions that lead to his older brother ranting to a wall while Tommy sat nervously, hoping the rants weren’t directed at him. And then with Technoblade it was so… bloody. Venting had never been his family’s strong suit. But Sam’s willingness to let Tommy handle it was new. Tommy felt confident in what he was going to say for once. Without thinking, Tommy opened the floodgates and started talking.

Tommy talked for what felt like hours, his throat running dry. He talked about what Dream did to him, how he made him feel. The way he never slept in exile, always scared of explosions underneath his feet. His secret bunker, his one-block tower, his beach party. He talked about loneliness and despair and feeling ever so  _ desolate. _ He talked about losing a shoe and waking up drowning without a memory of how he got in the ocean. He cursed and he cried but he was talking.  _ And it felt good. _ It was a breath of fresh air after years of choking. It was sun breaking through the clouds after a thick rain. He felt his mind clear and his heart beat faster, but not from anxiety. He felt happy. 

Tommy finally looked up at his friends. Tubbo was teary-eyed but smiling and Sam had a look of pride on his face. Tommy cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. 

“So, uh yea… who’s your favorite woman, Sam?”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i appreciate constructive criticism + comments :] also, i might continue this series with a visit to the prison...


End file.
